One thing that pleased me immensely about Prime Minister Abe’s Olympic pitch was his reassurance that Fukushima is under control. You see, there was I foolishly thinking that underestimating the amount of radiation leakage by a factor of 18 might suggest that things were not quite as fully under control as one would hope, but I was wrong. The Prime Minister himself said so. He said, in English, that the situation is ‘under control.’ So, that’s a relief.
Still, though, I worried. After all, my old uncle’s incontinence is under control in that he wears a diaper but, given a choice, I wouldn’t opt to sleep on a bottom bunk with him on the top for fear that he might piss all over me. It’s surely at least a slight risk. So, I thought, well maybe the P.M. just means Fukushima is under control for now, right at this moment. But no! Rejoice! For good old Mr Abe has assured us that there have been no problems in Tokyo and there never will be! Never! Hurrah! Because in a land as shaky as Japan you tend to worry. I mean what if another big quake hits the plant with its dodgy container tanks and leaking water and atmosphere too poisonous to consider living anywhere in its vicinity for, oh, well let’s just say a long long time? But it can’t, because Mr Abe has told the world that Tokyo will never be affected. I know, I know, TEPCO said radioactive water wasn’t leaking when it was. But that was TEPCO. This is the Prime Minister. The man in charge! Everything is fine and dandy.
Mr Abe was leaking quite a lot himself a while back. He had to give up his first term as Prime Minister because of chronic diarrhea. But he got that sorted and is back at the helm and ensuring we can all rest easily. I’m glad his health has recovered and Japan has returned to such a safe pair of hands. His bowels are under control and he no longer needs to empty himself of shit all the time. In fact, you’d be forgiven for thinking he is full of it. Phew!